No surface all feeling UPDATED

[Crazy diamond]

I wasn't going to, but I'm starting now, I think I need help. My name's Jo and I'm a fic writing addict. Lol

Generally there will be violence, abuse which is emotional and physical. Though not in this part. Please don't read if that makes you uncomfortable.


Sarah dried her eyes and re-applied her make up. Repeating in her head "it doesn't matter because I don't care, it doesn't matter because I don't care." Taking a deep breath she slowly opened the bathroom door and looked out into the living room. He was watching telly. She crept out slowly and got her bag. With her hand on the doorknob, she looked over her shoulder saying "I'm going to the shops, get a bit of shopping...might go to mums for a bit."
"Whatever" came the reply, then "Get me a bottle of coke."

She waited a second for more, and opened the door, taking a lungfull of air as it closed behind her.
She put her headphones in and started walking, humming along to her music. Sometimes she closed her eyes, only for a second. Don't wanna bump into a street light or bin after all.
She turned a corner, looking down at her phone to change songs, and *SMACK* she was on the floor.
Looking up and pushing the hair from her face she looked a the person whose hand was waiting to help her up. She was sure her heart actually skipped a beat.

"I'm really so sorry, I was running and,well y'know." he smiled and god she could have died happy right there.
"Are you ok? Can I help you up?"
Reaching out her hand to hold his she felt pain shoot through her wrist and winced.
"Oh god I hurt you didn't I, crap I'm so sorry!"
"Uh, it's ok, it's not too bad."
She brushed herself down and picked up her bag. He was still standing there. Surely most people who knock someone over are gone by now...
"I'm Jon."
"Sarah."
"Well, Sarah, can I buy you coffee? If you drink coffee?"
_________________
Uh huh, holy shit. It's about time you got off my dick.
A few times I've been around that track but your ass is still fat it's gonna stay like that, coz I aint your hollaback boy, I aint your hollaback boy.

Fangs Up! COBRA STYLE!

[xxiloveryanandbrendonxx]

Its Jon again! CoNtInUe!
_________________
"Colonel Mustang is dead sexy...IN A MINISKIRT!"

[Masquerade]

Whoooo! Jon!
More soon?
_________________

Insomniac depression or Ryan Ross obsession?<3

Things have changed for me. And that's okay. I feel the same. [There's nothing wrong with being Pretty. Odd.]

[Crazy diamond]

Yes it's Jon, *does a dorky dance* he's my obsession right now so....yeah lol.

As before, if violence, abuse-mental and physical upsets or offends you-this is not the fic for you.
It may be a long fic and/or take a while to write, I want to get it right. I know 'it's a fic' but it's a very real issue and I don't want it to sound flippant.



"Uh, yeah I do. But that's really not necessary."
"I insist. Please?"
And really, who could resist those warm chocolate eyes, and daft smile? No really who? Not Sarah anyway, though honestly-she could have tried. Could have, and definitely should have.
"I... I had to get some stuff."
"You can get stuff on the way,come on."

So there they were a little while later, in a coffee shop.
The conversation pretty much dried up after they sat down, neither really knew what to say. Why should they-they knew nothing about eachother afterall. So Jon decided to draw on the only thing they had in common.

"How's your wrist now?"
"Not broken...nothing the coffee wont fix anyway." she looked up at him from under her fringe, and was grateful for the table in between them. He was pretty cute. Not that she should be thinking that of course. If [i]he[/i] knew, well, let's just say it wouldn't be pretty.
"Good. I have to remember to look where I'm going. Can't go around randomly knocking over pretty girls." he smiled, softly, warmly.

Pretty? Yup, a compliment. Time to go... She dropped her purse and leant down to pick it up. The sleave of her top riding up to expose the underside of her arm-three fair sized bruies marking her pale skin
"Ouch" Jon said, "How'd you do that? Hit your arm on something?"
"What? No..."
He pointed to the arm in question. She caught site of it.
"I have to go. Thanks for the coffee." she got up, and ran out. In doing so she left Jon sat at the table feeling confused and possibly-possibly, a little curious.

Sarah ran most of the way home, mentally cursing herself. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
You don't stop and have coffee with a hot guy-or anyone who isn't your mother for that matter, and you never, NEVER let your bruises be seen. Always covered, ALWAYS.
Turning into her street she remembered she was meant to get coke-that she did get coke...then left it with the coffee, with Jon.
After buying more, she went 'home'. It wasn't the home it used to be, it used to be happy. But it wasn't like she could go back to her parents...no. She'd struck out on her own at the grand old age of 16. They hadn't approved of course, but her boyfriend said he'd look after her, and they trusted him. Liked him even.
The anticipation and fear filled her stomach as soon as she touched the door.

"It doesn't matter. Because I don't care."

But she did care, deep down she wanted things to be back how they were in the beginning.
She entered and set the coke on the kitchen counter.
"You're back then?"
"Yeah, got your coke."
"Cheers."
She stood quietly while he got up to get the bottle, flinching slightly as he ruffled her hair. She forced a smile.
"Good to see you cheered up from earlier, was getting a bit depressing round here."
That was it! Good that she cheered up?! Like it wasn't his fault anyway! She faught to hold the tears in, remembering the stupid argument about where she'd put his papers... She was cleaning, she forgot she even saw them. Did that really make her stupid? Did it really warrant calling her that? That and the slurry of other words that flew at her.
She used to think she didn't deserve that, these days, really she had to wonder-did the man she was meant to be in love with really like being like that?

That night was the same as most. She waited for him to pass out from his last joint of the night and climbed into bed. Facing his back. She hadn't slept facing away from him for a long time...
_________________
Uh huh, holy shit. It's about time you got off my dick.
A few times I've been around that track but your ass is still fat it's gonna stay like that, coz I aint your hollaback boy, I aint your hollaback boy.

Fangs Up! COBRA STYLE!

[Masquerade]

Oh That's sad.
Maybe Jon could make it better? Hope so.
More soon please?
_________________

Insomniac depression or Ryan Ross obsession?<3

Things have changed for me. And that's okay. I feel the same. [There's nothing wrong with being Pretty. Odd.]

[Amdy]

jon-obsessions are awesome
and it's great that his fic doesn't really have anything in common with 'can't help who you love' and the others, other than jon becomes the hot, caring guy. but yeah, it's a sensitive subject you're touching. great written though.
it's her boyfriend?

[Crazy diamond]

Well I could say "it's Jon, of course he saves the day" but then that would be telling, so we'll see.

thanks, and yeah it's her boyfriend but I wanted him to be a kind of dark ominous figure for a while so he doesn't have a name yet. even in my head.
_________________
Uh huh, holy shit. It's about time you got off my dick.
A few times I've been around that track but your ass is still fat it's gonna stay like that, coz I aint your hollaback boy, I aint your hollaback boy.

Fangs Up! COBRA STYLE!

[Masquerade]

^ I kinda thought it was her dad
I guess a boyfriend would make sense though.
_________________

Insomniac depression or Ryan Ross obsession?<3

Things have changed for me. And that's okay. I feel the same. [There's nothing wrong with being Pretty. Odd.]

[Crazy diamond]

Her dad?! That would be a whole different story... I mean, she slept in the same bed as him. I wouldn't be able to keep the contents of my stomach where they are meant to be long enough to write something like that...

I guess maybe I did a little better than intended with keeping the boyfriend a bit of a mystery, lol.

edited, I just read through it all and I can see why you thought that.. I may edit it slightly tomorrow to make it clearer. It just never entered my head that it would be anyone but a boyfriend..
_________________
Uh huh, holy shit. It's about time you got off my dick.
A few times I've been around that track but your ass is still fat it's gonna stay like that, coz I aint your hollaback boy, I aint your hollaback boy.

Fangs Up! COBRA STYLE!

[Amdy]

I was onto that dad-track, and then you mentioned them sharing bed, and it would've been soooo wrong, so that's why I changed my mind ^^

[Masquerade]

I just thought it's easier (I'm not saying it's easy, just easier than family) to get out of an abusive relationship with a boyfriend. If the person is family- especially a parent- then there are a bunch of ties that make it a lot more difficult.
_________________

Insomniac depression or Ryan Ross obsession?<3

Things have changed for me. And that's okay. I feel the same. [There's nothing wrong with being Pretty. Odd.]

[Crazy diamond]

I see your point. It depends on the circumstances really... We shall tonight hopefully what they are.
I edited it slightly to clear up the confusion. Thanks for pointing it out.
_________________
Uh huh, holy shit. It's about time you got off my dick.
A few times I've been around that track but your ass is still fat it's gonna stay like that, coz I aint your hollaback boy, I aint your hollaback boy.

Fangs Up! COBRA STYLE!

[Crazy diamond]

Previous warnings apply...
And also, drug use. Mild drug, heavy ish use but no real graphic descriptions. While I do believe you should be allowed to make your own choices I do NOT condone the use of drugs.


Sarah walked through the door the next morning, baby in arms, having collected him from her mother-who quite frequently helped look after him. Well, a couple of days a week anyway. She was meant to be going to college but that had to stop after one of her classmates had called her...when she was at home. Had to be a guy didn't it? There was nothing in it in all honesty. But, as [i]he[/i] had asked-if there was nothing in it, why hadn't she told him about giving out her phone number? Why? Because he would've made it a big deal, that's why, and it wasn't a big deal.
So she stopped going. He didn't make her stop exactly, but she knew if she continued to go she'd just be questioned about it all the time now, interrogated about it and it wasn't worth the hassle. Anything for an easy life, they say.

She wished she felt strong enough to just say what she wanted. Trouble was she didn't quite know anymore. She'd done nothing outside of school except work for a few months, had no real world experience of relationships...wasn't it normal to be totally wrapped up in whatever your boy/girlfriend liked or thought? Share their values and interests? Leave things behind, like new things that they like instead?...
And she felt it would make her look silly after pretending all this stuff about herself when they first met, showing off, like people do... It was her own fault for letting him believe she was someone she wasn't really.

Now, she just pretended to go to college, too ashamed to say she quit. To say why. She didn't want her mom asking those kind of questions about her-was there really more to the guy that called? Hell, her dad probably would've taken [i]his[/i] side anyway, not hers.

Putting the baby, Jack, in his crib, she surveyed the flat. Yes, tidying to do-though not too loudly as there was still someone sleeping after all.
At 9am she decided to wake him, or try to at least.

She stood by the bed, instead of sitting on it. Always the better option until you can see what the mood will be today...
Sarah lightly tugged on his arm, and he stirred slowly, opening his eyes and smiling. He had a killer smile. It reminded you of a shark crossed with the chesire cat. The kind that forces you to try and decide whether he's genuinely grinning or gonna bite your head off.
"Morning" he says. Smiles.
"Yeah...morning. Got Jack already, he's sleeping."
There's that smile again and he pulls her gently down to his chest and rests his hands on her back.
"I didn't really mean the things I said yesturday." he offers by way of an apology.
"I know. It's forgotten already." she lied, but wanted it to be true.

In truth she couldn't forget any of it...the way he once held his hands around her throat, the way he left her standing in the middle of town in the rain-pregnant and crying because they'd argued and he had to walk away, the way he'd deny her little things that barely matter-money, t.v guide, kindness, anything to be spiteful. But it never lasted long. And that somehow made it not so bad. Because in between they could laugh and joke and have fun.

All Sarah had to do was not be nagging. You know the kind of thing-don't mention he needs to get a job, don't mention he smokes too much cannabis, don't mention most normal people-ones with babies at least-are awake before 1pm...

Just get on with things...it's sad how it's come to this. Almost living seperate lives but living in the same place. Like having a grumpy flatmate, except you can't be with anyone else.
And Sarah seemed fine to most people, a little tired maybe but thats what kids do to you. She didn't have a problem with food, just underate a little. Jack's more important than food right? And it was...nice when her mom said she was looking a bit on the thin side. Like she was special, Sarah felt proud. She didn't do it on purpose, it just kinda happened that way and if she liked the fact that her hip bones were rather prevailant well that's her right.

After relaxing, feeling she could fall asleep there, Sarah sat up. He was still smiling. Yes. It was a good day. Except he'll still be smoking of course. Has to do that, has a routine that rarely changes; have a joint before getting up, get dressed, have a joint, decide what to do that day, have a joint, do someting-or not, have a joint, eat, have a joint... You get the idea, before and after doing most things a joint was necessary. Before hand to get ready for doing something (like getting dressed or buying milk) and afterwards as a kind of reward...

But Sarah couldn't complain really, she used to smoke with him after all, for hours on end and hell it was fun. Go to work, come home, smoke, sleep it off, go to work etc. But then came Jack...and Sarah stopped. She had to be responsable now. And whereas it was something she'd only started when she met him and wasn't really bothered about, he on the otherhand had been doing it for almost 6years before they met, and didn't see why it should stop now. He was for years older than her, who was she to argue?
_________________
Uh huh, holy shit. It's about time you got off my dick.
A few times I've been around that track but your ass is still fat it's gonna stay like that, coz I aint your hollaback boy, I aint your hollaback boy.

Fangs Up! COBRA STYLE!

[Masquerade]

Oh wow, a child in the picture. That must be hard.
Post more soon! This is a great story.
_________________

Insomniac depression or Ryan Ross obsession?<3

Things have changed for me. And that's okay. I feel the same. [There's nothing wrong with being Pretty. Odd.]

[Crazy diamond]

Thank you, hopefully it makes more sense now lol.


The next morning was the same as it had been most mornings recently. The previous day had been an exeption.
Sarah awoke to a crying Jack and promtly made his breakfast. Trying to feed a shx month old isn't easy at 6.30 in the morning, espescially when they're just getting into solids. She gave up on the porridge after 5 attemps at trying and failing to get him to eat it and made a bottle of milk.
By about 8am she'd had him washed and dressed and he was on the living room floor giggling away when the bedroom door opened.
"Can you keep it down a bit Im trying to sleep."
Sarah looked up, half laughing at the rediculousness of the request.
"I'm glad you think it's funny!"
Only, it wasn't anymore.
"Well what do you want me to do? He's a baby, he's only laughing."
"Yeah and you're his mom, have some control will you-I AM TRYING TO SLEEP." He shouted.
"Yeah? And you're his dad, use some willpower and get up like I have to!"
"No one asked you to."
"No one HAS to because I know my responsabilities, if I didn't get up, you certainly wouldn't!"
He picked up the closest thing to him, which happened to be a remote control, and threw it in her direction. It hit her leg with a stinging slap. She stayed quiet, but winced, holding her leg.
"Just...keep the noise down ok? I didn't mean...whatever." he said quieter this time, softer, and disappeared back into the bedroom.

When the door was closed she picked up the seemingly oblivious baby and held him tight, her only comfort, and cried.
"I'm sorry baby, sorry your mommy's such an idiot. Sorry...sorry...you don't deserve this...I just wish daddy would get better."
A loud shout of "SHUT UP CRYING!" thundered through the wall and she tried to calm herself. No, today was not going to be a good day.

She waited around untill about half 12 to see if there was anything he wanted to do today, spend some time all together maybe, make up for the morning. He didn't get up so she left him a note.

"Drew, we've gone out, waited for you but you didn't get up and I didn't want to wake you after this morning. I'm going to the park, mom's maybe, don't know. See you later.
Love you."

Her and Jack got ready and she put him in his buggy and left the flat. They hadn't gotten far down the street when she heard a familiar voice.
"Sarah?"
She turned around and there he was, all messy hair and flip flops, walking casually to where she'd stopped.
She greeted him with a "Hey." suddenly aware that she hadn't bothered to really do much more than run her fingers through her hair before she left. Hadn't much cared if she looked a little unkempt-it didn't matter, no one was going to care right?
"Jon, remember?"
She just frowned.
"From the other day... I knocked you over, we had coffee, kinda."
"I never said I didn't recognise you." she smiled.
"Right, no you didn't, um..."
he looked at the buggy as if it just fell from the sky and hadn't been there the whole time, jumping down in front of it and grinning at Jack.
"He's cute" he said looking up at her and back down at Jack, "looks like you."
Sarah knew she must be blushing slightly. "Uh, thanks. He's a handfull."
"Does the handfull have a name?"
"Yeah, Jack."
Jon reached out to the baby's fingers, ending up with a whole hand wrapped around his thumb.
"Hey there little Jack, I'm Jon."
It was just adorable.
"So he's yours?" he asked.
"Yup."
"Wow." he was still crouching on the floor, studying the baby with a smile. "That's awsome. I mean, you must be a great mom, like, he looks so happy... I'm rambling... I have a habit of doing that."
He stood up, moving next to Sarah.
"Don't worry about it. So, where were you off to?" she asked.
"Home, just got back from practice."
"Practicsing what?"
They started walking as Jack started moaning about being kept still for so long now that no one was paying attention to him.
"Bass. Well, not practicsing bass, I know how to do that. Practicsing with the band I'm in."
"Oh, that must be fun. What are you called?"
"Panic at the disco. With an exclaimation point."
They turned a corner.
"An exclaimation point? At the end?"
"No," he laughed, "After Panic."
"So... Shouldn't you say PANIC! at the disco?" Emphasis on the PANIC! of course.
"Um, no...not really. It's just, like, when you see it written down it stands out, but you don't say it that way."
"Ah, I see, I think."
"Where were you going?"
"We're going to the park. Jack wont really do anything, but it's nice out today so why not?"
"Good point. Can I tag along?... I'm hellishly bored. Though last time didn't work out to well." he was looking down, running a hand through his hair, it falling immediately back-slightly over his eyes.
Sarah stopped and put her hand on his arm "Sorry about that I... I had a bad day."
He looked at her hand as he lifted his head and she remembered to move it back to the buggy handle.
"That's alright...better day today?"
"Yeah great." she lied "No running away today."
_________________
Uh huh, holy shit. It's about time you got off my dick.
A few times I've been around that track but your ass is still fat it's gonna stay like that, coz I aint your hollaback boy, I aint your hollaback boy.

Fangs Up! COBRA STYLE!